Are you an ideal employee? Do you know the route to success? Are you S.M.A.R.T? If so, there’s no need to read this satirical take on the world of work and the decline of the contemporary university.

Colin is an estate agent with idiosyncrasies and a hatred of cats - which drives the narrator to despair. "When we met, Colin was thirty-five, an estate agent with a collection of vinyl records that stretched from floor to ceiling and a head of hair like Lee van Cleef. For the first few months we were together Colin adored me. He adored my turned up nose, my wonky smile, the way I read a map upside down. Quirky he called me..."

A handy beginners' guide to invisibility. "First, remove all colour from your wardrobe – especially white; white is eye-catching and stands out in a crowd..."

A collection of twenty five flash fictions. Most of these were written during 2016/17 although a handful date from earlier. The Flash Fiction label is a mixed blessing, not least because it doesn’t seem to have settled down yet into any specific meaning. Discussion centres around that word flash. American originators of the term meant the flash of a single white page being turned. Some writers I know feel the story should have some sort of jolt, or flash, at the end: Ta Dah! All except one of the stories here are less than 500 words. Other than that, they are simply short stories, as varied as any other group of stories I might produce, joined perhaps by the one facet I look for in all short stories, however long or short, that they have a narrator who knows why he, she, or it, is telling the story!

A collection of almost true stories concerning the doings, nefarious and otherwise, of the unique people of Erris, where the next parish west is America and where nothing is quite as one might expect.

In his sixth bizarre adventure Hugh (and his brother who is also called Hugh) face their nemesis. This mysterious master villain has already stolen all the gold from The Bank of England and all the paintings from Buckingham Palace and now Hugh (and Hugh) have to prevent the villain from... well, they don't know what to prevent unless they can crack the villain's mysterious coded riddles. According to Hugh (Hugh's brother) a total twit is needed. Confused? Read on...

In his fifth inconsequential adventure at the request of the Prime Minister our hero attempts to save the nation by uncovering the heinous villain behind the production of Agreement Gas, which very dangerously makes everyone agree with each other! In the course of his adventure he becomes the first ostrich to fly - downwards to go upwards as well as upwards - disguises himself as a corner flag and becomes one of the first ever to sit in a spell. To find out more... read the story! How simple could it be!

Double the rent or half a flat. Your choice.

A story for 8 to 11 yea-olds. Having eaten some of the wizard's magic jelly, which was supposed to make him sing better but didn't, King Popple spends every day making up football results. Meanwhile for a not unrelated reason everyone has purple wax constantly dribbling out of their ears and all the children under 5 think they are cows. Hopefully the chamberlain might have a useful idea...

Mr Sproutface and Mr Wibbleton, committed jumper wearers, museum visitors and lovers of minestrone soup, are looking for a way to escape their work in the circus. One afternoon, while sitting in a puddle of spilt breakfast cereal, they decide to follow their dream and bring cheese to the people of Basingstoke. However, the modern world is difficult. Sometimes, one faces problems that cannot be fixed with a list and a damp cloth. Whether it is cheese-dinosaurs, bakers intent on World Domination, missing hamsters or being locked in a trouser museum, non-adventures are never far away. But for every problem, there is a solution. And as long as Mr Sproutface and Mr Wibbleton have their jumpers, a bowl of minestrone soup and each other, they will find a way to keep their dream alive. This story is aimed at children between 7 and 11 but there's plenty for adults to enjoy as well.

When George agrees to transcribe the memoir notes of his neighbour, Mrs Moretti, he uncovers much more than just the ramblings of a gentle old lady. Was Mrs Moretti an accessory to a notorious crime forty years ago? And is George in danger now?

A mobile phone in the wrong hands, can lead to who knows what messages in the wrong ears...

A date from hell; a camping trip with freshly-caught meat on the menu; a Spanish lesson concerning the futility of life; an alcohol-fuelled dream or was it reality?; a secret assignation at a graveyard; the nosy neighbour who found more than he expected; the hair of the dog that wasn't a cure; the effects of the moon on a near-empty beach; exploring an alien landscape - a new collection of nine stories with a theme of horror running through them.

Alice has grown tired of life.

Charlie Carbunckle, an obsessive pigeon fancier, suffers the loss of one of his birds and the blame falls at the feet of his son Seamus.

Poor Keith, nothing was too good for his special valentine.

Taking tea with Marc Bolan in a cafe somewhere in London

Ten Flash Fictions, from 449 to 96 words short. Illicit affairs and railroad crashes, murderous spouses and vengeful neighbours.

Danny P. Grunch had no sense of rhythm and about as much melodic movement in his body as a school of barnacles stuck to the bottom of an upturned boat. He thought he could dance - he couldn't - until he went to Africa and met a Witch Doctor...

Much has been written about the effects of the millennium bug...I was responsible for saving my crew from this dreadful disease...

A Ship's doctor's trials and tribulations.

Lenny Waterman thought he could throw his voice. He couldn't - as a Ventriloquist he would have given Archie Andrews palpitations - and then he met with a mysterious old Romany lady who gave him a gift that would change his life forever...

Students take gap years between A levels and university - I took mine when my wife left me for the milkman...

"But I've not done Indian," I told Karen. And besides, the boys are not from India." "It's all the same to them," she said, her cheeky blue eyes sparkling with self-confidence. "Just whip up something hot. They'll love it."

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Doctor Dominic du Mortier and I am a hundred and sixty one years old. No no, stay where you are please. It’s not that I’m unwilling to shake your hand, please don’t think that. It’s really more a case of my being unable. Permit me to explain. I am beyond reach. And behind glass. And a rodent. Nothing special you understand – just a Rattus norvegicus, or a common brown rat to you. Oh yes, and dead. Did I mention that?

Benny Green is worried - passengers are vanishing from his taxi cab and the Police are getting interested. Where are they vanishing to? Benny is desperate to find out...

If you've ever sat in a doctor's waiting room, wondering how long you are going to have to wait and what you're going to catch whilst you're waiting, then this is the story for you...

The contents of Auntie's beaten-out, oversized handbag contain a closely-guarded secret...

The manically-depressed iceberg has few friends among the polar bears at the North Atlantic Bar.

A wartime evacuee's story

When feisty 35-year-old Jane decides to confront Fear 37 she soon finds herself adrift in a sea of chaos. In a rundown hotel in Dawson Creek, Canada, to achieve her goal she must contend with crazed middle-aged bikers, drunk oil workers and a hippy called Ralf. Will she survive to face Fear 38?

A day in a Magistrate's Court

Trevor is a superhero, however he is also a spider so his superhero powers are in proportion to his size. Trevor and his friends come to the aid of the owners of the house they all live in when Mr and Mrs Fairbanks are persecuted by Mr Bartson of Bartson Holdings U.K. (Ltd) and his heavies.

A French toilet, a jealous husband and two dogs.